Being alone doesn’t me there is no physical people around you. It means that you feel like there is no one to lean on or depend on, that you are in it by yourself. Imagine for a moment that everything in you life was falling apart due to your poor choices or lack there of better choices. Imagine what you would feel like if you had a child under one, and a teenage boy in your house but you had no job, no car to get to a job, no money saved to buy a car, no help from any relative to help with daycare or rides. Now imagine having an ex who can’t keep his life together so he is worthless, having three sisters that live within 15 mins but refuse to even acknowledge you are struggling , a father and mother within 5 miles of your house who would rather believe untruths then help and if anything when they do help the put your deeper in a hole, no husband or support system to ask for help, and a lack of credit because you have struggled for 20 years to get by on a daily basis. Now imagine the holidays are here and having to put on a brave face for your oldest children so they don’t see how bad things really are. Knowing there is no way to get to a job interview or even pay for someone to watch the baby to go on a interview. Just finding rides to the laundry mat and groceries is hard enough and uses the little child support that you have. Knowing that you might not be able to buy diapers or put food on the table forget presents or even a roof over their heads. Going to state only helps enough to put a bandage on the situation. The only real fix would be a car or a person who was willing to help drive you around and maybe somone to help babysit.
Which in my reality doesn’t exist. What I really need this time is a miracle, I’m finding no way out of this hole and the more I try to dig out of it the more the dirt buries me deeper. This time it’s not only burying me but my two youngest kids. It sucks not having a partner but not having a family or a support system at all is going to cause me to continue to get stuck. Doesn’t it take a village to raise a child..???? Well I’m one person raising a village.
Like always I will keep a positive outlook and hope for the best. Maybe a job will land in my lap that will be within walking distance. Maybe I can find someone to help me watch the baby . I will continue to keep faith but after being a single mom in this system for over 20 years, I don’t know where else to turn .. what else to do. Let’s hope for a Christmas miracle because I truly need one about now.
Like always ,
A Dented Can